One Pot Down…
As I take the first drink, of my full pot of coffee. I am brilliant I tell myself, all while my house looks like ciaos, my brain feels like scrambled eggs, I’m falling behind on my weekly assignments at school. I’ve said it so many times to so many people, can’t tell me anything different…I am brilliant and I am here to change the world! I know, what planet am I from? I’d like to call this my ultra-manic light bulb stage. You know the one that acts like a lunatic focusing on projects, and new business ventures. All to come crashing down. I’m determined for this blog to not go down in flames!
I rarely hit the highest of heights of mania anymore. I don’t miss the voices, the paranoia, the panic, I really don’t miss any of that! Slightly manic today, but I’m good. (Maybe if Id chill on the coffee!) With medication management I stay pretty leveled off, but please don’t think I have all the answers, or even think for a moment I go through spells of ciaos in my brain…because I do. They are just normally not as extreme, lasts about a week, and I’ve managed to turn it into productive weeks. Well I say “productive” which basically means I walk from room to room not remembering why I got up in the first place. Like a puppy chasing its tail, I jump from topic to topic, project to project, room to room. All the while showing my “brilliant” side!
So I look normal enough, but my manic side can flip me so far out that my “normal” personality will disappear. I’m actually a very “chill” person. I have a lot of friends, many of which I lend an ear to at any point and time. I’m a good person who generally goes out of her way to help others. OKOK so ENOUGH of that lets look at the bullshit side when I become manic! I am so rude…I say whatever I think, and I have no control over what comes out of my mouth. I really curve my rude ass attitude when I’m in my “normal self”. Mania doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. I get loud, I speak over people, and cut them off midsentence. I HAVE NO FILTER! Whatever I’m thinking will roll out of my mouth, in the rudest way possible. I don’t mean to, (you may have this problem as well) however I’ve been told many, many times in my life I am rude, loud, and obsessed with talking about myself. Oooooopps my manic side is showing!
So what do I look for, well to be honest my first indicator is usually being broke, and someone spotting my “abnormal behavior.” So of course I have my triggers, one person I will try not to slander, can set me off like a ticking time bomb! I avoid that person at all costs, knowing what the end result, as my “crazy” comes out. Loud and crowded places aren’t for me. I realized years ago that the grocery store was going to be enemy #1! Loud parents, harshly disciplining their children set me off into a panic attack, better for me to disappear! Yeah we all have them, some more than others. One thing I can assure you is that if you can identify these triggers half the battle is won!
So those are a couple of my personal identifiers that I’m cycling into mania. I often have to wait until I’m aware “I’m on my way up”…literally. My level of mania that I cycle into depends on what the stressors/triggers are that send me flying into a manic state. Stress we all have, I understand that. Sometimes if we are not taking care of ourselves, mentally and physically but triggers can usually be kept at a minimum, as long as you know what they are! Is there someone, or something that really makes you fly off your handle, and lose your shit….Well that’s your trigger!? I’ve seen, heard and read about many types of triggers, being late, spouses, or ex-spouses, family members, even traffic, certain noises all can trigger you. All I can say is I completely get it! I have tigers’ for both my PTSD, and Bipolar side. I do my best to completely avoid them at all costs. If I feel irritated, and feel like I’m being triggered, I’m simply going to have to do whatever modifications you need to do, to avoid, or stop triggers. Avoid triggers, reduce stressors, and take your medications that’s what I can say.
Thanks for stopping by, I’m going to do my best to see you all everyday…promise!
~Mental Mari
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