Eventually the faint of heart all die out. Hell my
entire family has fallin off my communication list. I decided it was time to
get myself out of some situations that have honestly been weighing me down. I’ve
discovered that sometimes you have to let people go. People can apparently be
undercover triggers. I feel like in life there are those that want the best, or
understand what is best for you. Then there are those that are selfish and want
what they want, when they want it. Ding! Ding! Ding Mari! Wake up! Meanwhile I
cannot continue to let my life be invaded by unwanted visitors!
In
order to have a mentally healthy lifestyle you have to do the opposite of what
I’ve done. I’m stable, I have my car, my house, and my things, bills are paid,
we're good! But, I seem to always be extending the olive branch to someone that
just do not have their shit together. I have had people that don’t give two
shits about my mental life invade my space, but no longer….see I have finally
identified the trigger. Ready…set…eliminate…
I
hate to feel like I’m being cold hearted, but at my age there’s no reason to
have frequent visitors. See that’s one of the million reasons there’s downsides
of being disabled. Suffering from mental illness like agoraphobia keeps me locked
away most days. However the obligation to open the door feels like it’s there,
no matter what’s running throughout my brain that day.
If not its “rescue 911” what’s the matter with
Mari? Is she in there? Has she offed herself….well no…but if you keep imposing…
...........ahhhhhh......... deep breathing
works!
I have my circle of “the crazies” in which I touch
base with every day. They don't impose. Like me they all suffer in with one disorder of another. I
love them. Separate people all going
through the same bullshit. You see the circle I’ve created is full of dynamic
personalities, there to support each other if we can hold our own selves up
that day. These are the people I need in my life. Healthy, productive,
medication taking, drug free spirits! That’s where I need to be guys.
Today was full of revelations
of sorts. I need to clean up my environment, maybe I won’t feel so warn down
all of the time. Positive thoughts… Sorry about my “mood” earlier. Happens.
Have a good one! Think I’ll be deleting contact information immediately!
~Mental Mari
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