Orange Jump Suits and Sausage Feet

              Ironic isn’t it that a few days ago I was wearing the same garb as this fellow walking out of his appointment with “The Good Doc”. Just a few days ago that was me. As I looked towards this inmate in his bright orange jumpsuit.“I have something in common with” as the county Sheriff shuffled him to a chair. We had lot’s in common he and I, even though I doubt that crossed his mind when our eyes locked. No one wants to be stared at Mari, shit! I come back to reality as he proudly tells the Sheriff, “Nope, no medication changes.” He seemed happy, maybe to be “out” rather than “in”. But what I noticed was his ability to find humor in what I’d call worst case scenario. I also know that when you’re mentally ill often a smile doesn’t come easy, neither does a laugh. He’s on the right path I thought to myself as The Good Doc opened the door to retrieve me.

            “Doc, we’ve got to do something about this.” As I kick off yes, my house shoes and followed her behind her desk. “I’ve got sausage feet, and I don’t know why, but I can’t wear shoes. So, fix me?” As we both kinda giggled at me currently standing barefoot in The Good Docs office. Something is causing me to retain water, hoping the 6 lbs I’ve gained is water weight!

 So here’s the point where I’m allowed to insert how I think I feel, and how I think I’m doing…that is before she nails me down with those all too specific questions she loves to run thru. I’m missing my afternoon recharge session so I’m continuously yawning as I explain I’m sleeping too much. I’m pretty much on lump status but you know what’s gone? The clouds of dust are settling, things are calmer now, I can see clearly. Thru heavy eyelids I see the complete picture and one by one see my fuck ups appear. I explained to her I had turned myself in and things were o.k. With a worried look, and a matter of fact tone she asks “How long was I in there?” Not as long as the poor guy in the lobby I thought as I watched her lowering the dosages of my “chill pill” and anti psychotic. At first I went to debate the decrease, than I remember normalcy, not stoned Mari….

So that’s the great news! That and the fact I’ve put on 6lbs since I started this new anti psychotic 12 day ago. My small already pudgy stature does not need another pound added as I sit her inhaling my Fanta. Gotta get moving, but how when I feel like I’m dragging a bag of bricks around with me. Somethings got to give…..I’m half way back to normalcy when I get another bag of bricks dumped on me…I didn’t give The Good Doc that high five today…mostly because I had no battery power left, no nap makes for an irritated gal! I managed to turn and look at her as we walked out of her office. “Thanks for pulling me out of the clouds doc.” That’s all that came out with all of the emotions I felt at that moment… “You look better Mari, you look better” she said.