So we managed to get an urgent referral which got us an
appointment with Psych for my daughter. So my 16 year old and I are sitting, waiting for
her first psych appointment. Something is wrong. Her panic & Anxiety is at an
all-time high, having them almost daily, as I watch her reach for her bottle of
anxiety medicine, and empty one into her hand. I hate seeing that! I hate
seeing her grab that bottle, and shake medication into her hand. Yes, it’s
going to completely head off a potential level ten panic attack however
watching her dump that little white pill into her hand as the bottle shakes
holding the other. Ugh, if she would just use the damn tools they have taught
her during countless hours with her psychologist.
So we
sit here, is this the waiting room of an adolescent psychiatrist facility. I’m
sending good vibes, prayers up, anything I can think of waiting in that waiting
room. I’m praying to whoever can hear my head screaming….not Bipolar, please
not Bipolar. My daughter is very much so expecting a Bipolar Diagnosis, why
because we had prepared her for that label. Bipolar, and Chronic Depression plagues
both on my side, and on her father’s side of the family. These are the cards
she was dealt…
We
are finally escorted back to a room with a psychiatrist three times the height
of my mini-me. I’m uncomfortable, my daughter is copping major attitude, as I
watch her sink down into her chair. I was ready! Completely ready for some
answers as to what in the world is causing the mental health problems she has
been having, and that has recently started running her life.
We sat down the night
before. I knew she was going to remain silent, she does with all unfamiliar
people. We worked on note cards the night before, previous medications, results
and side effects. We counted the hours of broken sleep she gets nightly.
Working our way to the big question, are you currently suicidal? These were the
questions I knew they would be asking, and I figured I’d head off some of the
uncomfortable questions with these note cards. Some psychiatrists are great communications,
and can easily ask these invasive questions without making you feel completely
crazy. I recommend always sitting down and writing out things like: questions,
concerns, reactions to medications, anything you may forget during your
allotted time.
So we have followed this giant of a man back to his
office, here we go I thought. Lay down the news so we can just move forward! I’m
mentally exhausted as question, after question pops out of his mouth. They had
a mutual love of Star Wars, so she warmed up slightly. In the end she was
perfect, she wasn’t broken. I could breathe again! My daughter looked relieved,
even though she was highly resistant to his recommendations that she clean up
sleeping habits. Panic & Anxiety Disorder, I can totally help with that!
Hell I’ve been dealing with that for years! She looked relieved… she was aware
that she’s completely normal, especially for a hormonal teenager.
I feel like I could
breathe again as we high five in the elevator. We were both giddy, and excited,
completely manageable (just like many mental illnesses). One minute I feel like
I’m playing Russian roulette with a gun, unable to breathe, now I’m laughing uncontrollably
in an elevator with my daughter. Time to be proactive with “cleaning up her bad
habits”, and we should see some great improvement! One of her biggest problem,
so no electronics two hours before bed…well were going to work on that.
Together with “learning tools” with her psychologist I am confidant she will be
completely beat the “crippling effect” she has now.
Not sure how to end this,
I know a lot of people are not as fortunate as we were, believe me as a person
who suffered as a child, I understand. What I can say is be observant, if
something is plaguing your child, please make that appointment, get advice,
don’t battle mental illness alone, but most of all be confidant in your
diagnosis, you’re not alone out there!
~ Manic Mari
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