Warrants, Warrants, and Another Mug Shot…

So I’m UP! I’ve been up for a month, and half now…doing… well…I’m being incredibly manic and irresponsible. Look, I’ve never said I have all the answers, and believe me I’ve pretty much never been an angel. Not that I can remember anyway. So the warrants have been issued, I’m due to turn myself in to our local police department, “leaving the scene of an accident.” Yup, I did that! I did that… and now well now I’ve been caught. Something that never crossed my mind once I pulled back into my driveway that night.

            I was outside of my house the next morning, my daughter waiting on carpool when the local police slowly pulled up to a dead stop in front of my home. The officer may as well have jumped out of his car he was so thrilled he had found my car, and the culprit who hit a parked trailer in the road…and of course completely manic, completely wacked out of my mind, I leave the scene of an accident. An accident I caused, with a nonmoving object! I freaked, never had much luck with the police so once I recovered from the airbag exploding in my face my mind said “run”!!

I couldn’t explain why to the overly excited police officer. I went over it in my mind over and over again. I have a valid driver’s license, my tags and insurance were current. I wasn’t intoxicated, not really caring I hadn’t taken my nightly “cocktail of psych meds”.  Most of all for once in my life I had no WARRANTS!! (I’ve had warrants damn near since I was 15 years old.) First charge was Evading Arrest at 15 years of age. Here I sit at 37, 22 years later thinking to myself…why? 

            So against my psychiatrists “orders” yes she even put it in my chart at my previous visit. NO DRIVING for 4 weeks. Boy did I take those orders well. Here I sit at my home with a wrecked car, nearly totaled, liability allows for no new car for me. I’m currently peeping out my front door paranoid they are going to come knocking…looking for Ms. Mental Mari….again. Again I’m fucked, to be completely honest I’ve been on probation for my last charge. Yes, probation free for a couple months, with more probation looming over my head.

Again, why, well being completely wacked out of my head for one. Not eating, not sleeping, taking my psych meds when convenient, not my usual ridged routine. I can’t think straight, I blew a good $1,000 this week, leaving me damn near broke again. Not enough money in the bank to post bail! So here I am peeping out the door, just looking…waiting. I have a plan Ill “turn myself in” later this week. When I have money in the bank to post bail at least.

            Year after year, charge after charge. Needless to say I have some extremely bad judgement. One day a judge is going to get “sick of my shit”, and my little in and out stops at county are going to be a permanent stay. Why do I have to be so damn crazy? Why can’t I just be leveled off, why can’t I just stay OUT of jail! Ok people I’m out, I’m going to go settle my brain, wrap my head around “turning myself in.” ~Mental Mari