For those of you who follow my blog, you know that I
completely admit that my life with Bipolar I with Mixed Episodes can feel like
a runaway train…more like train wreck. I
completely admit that after decades of being treated for my poly-diagnosis, I
have times when I am completely out of control. Hello, my name is Mental Mari,
and I feel completely crazy at times.
So I’ve
done it again, single handily fucked my world up. Finances are screwed, there’s
holes in the walls from me kicking them, I totaled my car the last night, and
my daughter informed me tonight that I’ve been extremely rude. Yup, now my
stress level is through the roof. I’m manic, and I can’t make it stop! I’ve
been on this upswing for close to a month and a half now. Thankful I have
ambition and determination to start a blog, while waiting to cycle down into
the depth of chronic depression. I’ve been in three times in a month to see my physiatrist.
The adjustments aren’t working, my crazy side is showing. “Yeah my mom tells
me, there’s something off.” Thanks mom, I hadn’t noticed.
Normally
my blogs have some sort of solution, something to educate, or just enjoy.
Geeze, I’m going to sound like a Oh and did I mention I turned it into a hit and run? Yes, I fled, I
know your saying, why? I was in no way intoxicated, everything was legal, and
legit, but I panicked. I ran. Now I sit here with a totaled car, and two
misdemeanor charges for fleeing a scene of the accident, have to go to jail
again, new mug shot…great, my finances are wrecked, everyone is sick of my
bullshit, so I’m at cold shoulder status with my family. Black sheep status. If
they only knew, if they could just understand I am completely out of character
right now.
I’m
shouting as loud as I can for someone, anyone to please help me! I’m hearing
crickets people…Maybe the doc can get it right Monday. I have no idea for a
game plan, hell my brain feels like scrambled eggs right now. I don’t even know
how these words come out of me, but I’m glad they do. If just one person
understands than all of these words have purpose. Oh yeah, we were talking
about a game plan. For Monday. First my psych appointment, then seeing my
counselor. Maybe I’ll feel better, my counselor usually get a smile out of me
no matter how high or low I’m flying. Fuck it, this is a wrap, all I can think
about are the consequences I’m about to face….yet again. I can’t sit still, I’m
losing concentration, time to move on to the day. Good day to you all….till
next time! ~Mental Mari
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